My dear friend, who unaware that I was in great need of cheering up,

just sent me this...And it most certainly did the trick.

At school over the past few weeks, we've been working on graphs with the kids, as in "If You Could Have One Super Power, Which Would You Pick?" type of graphs. The kids have been eating them up and yesterday a third grade girl (Miss A) asked if she could make up her own. So she and another third grade girl (Miss Z) grabbed some markers and paper and began to come up with a title. I followed along and within a few seconds, Miss A decides on, "If you had a wish, what would it be?" And as she starts mumbling possible answers to herself, Miss Z looks over at me and says, If I had one wish? Well... I think I would wish for neverending happiness...and love...because...I mean, isn't that what everyone really wants after all?

I just stared at her for a few seconds and then said, Wow... I couldn't agree more. To which she replied, in true third grade fashion, Well, that and neverending candy.

Anyway, here is the priceless graph they came up with...

If you had a wish what would it be?

1. Becoming a prince or princess
2. People to come back to life, but not as a skeleton
3. Never ever end of candy
4. Never ending money 1,000,000,000
5. Never to die
6. No school (P.S. But smart)
7. Never get sick
8. To be famous

(For me its a toss up between becoming a princess and the whole neverending love & happiness thing, even though that one didn't make the final cut.)

and wednesday has arrived
in all his cloudy glory
tempting me to stay by the window
and get lost in his sky...
but i have lines to run
and shirts to buy
and people to miss
which will keep me quite busy today
and quite far away from this lovely window

I am thinking of my Naughty Girls today, since the next fabulously naughty dance is coming up soon. I so wish I could be there...

it's 11:11
make a wish...

Titanic by David R. Slavitt

Who does not love the Titanic?
If they sold passage tomorrow for that same crossing
who would not buy?

To go down...We all go down, mostly
alone. But with crowds of people, friends, servants,
well fed, with music, with lights! Ah!

And the world shocked, mourns, as it ought to do
and almost never does. There will be the books and movies
to remind our grandchildren who we were
and how we died, and give them a good cry.

Not so bad, after all. The cold
water is anaesthetic and very quick.
The cries on all sides must be a comfort.

We all go: only a few, first class.


For Cory's grandma, who was nothing short of first class...

Bellyache

http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=ayds

Nick and I have been watching these nonstop for the past 10 minutes and laughing so hard that we're crying. Watch both commercials. Seriously, they're hysterical.

Do you know what I hate? I hate the fact that even though I went to bed around 3 am, my body still decided to wake up around 7. What is that about? When did four hours of sleep become enough because, it's not and now I'm really tired and well...I think I need to have a little chat. With my body. Get a few things straight.

Here goes...

Body,
For real! Cut it out...Or else.

There. Now it has NO excuse to pull a stunt like that again. No excuse.

P.S.

I decided after the whole Ides of March let down, that I did take one thing from it afterall, and that was that it's really fun to say Ides, and I'm going to start saying it a lot more. For example, "I'd love to go, but I don't get paid until the Ides, so..." or "Yeah, let's schedule that for around the Ides, that would work best for me." See? So much cooler than saying the fifteenth...So much cooler.

And the night has finally arrived!

Well, the Ides...let me down. So, as promised I will now officially, in front of all of you, hang up my hat and retire my yearly magical day. It was a good 10 year run, but the run, quite obviously is over. So, I will just have to begrudgingly settle for the fact that magic does exist out there in the world, but it will find me on the day time of its own choosing and not mine. *insert picture of me pouting*

And on a final and more happy note, tonight is the opening night for my show, TAPE, and I am quite excited! Quite. And I just want to say for the record that, I really love this show and I really love my cast and I hope everyone can come see it. Except you, Mr. Pitt. You are not invited.

www.oracletheatre.org

So February 28th has been billed as my favorite day of the entire year. Why, you ask? Because every year since, oh, about 10 years ago, something truly spectacular has happened on that day- big spectacular, small spectacular- I know, it sounds crazy, but, it really happens.

Anyway, my point for bringing all this up is that this PAST February 28, I got royally screwed, because not only did nothing amazing happen for the first time in 10 years, but I actually had probably one of the worst days ever. So...I decided (just this morning) that I want a "do over." I mean that's only fair, right? And what better day than the Ides of March?! I mean, come on.

So...Today it is.
And I've got until midnight.
And if nothing happens
well, then I will gracefully retire my magical day.
Well, first I will find someone to kick in the shins,
but then! Then, I will gracefully retire the day.
For good.


Son of a bitch, don't let me down Ides!!!

Just found this slipped under my door this morning...

Dear Katy,

It's been almost 5 days since we've hung out. What's going on? Did I do something to upset you? Are you ignoring me?? I know you're busy with your show and everything, but come on. Enough is enough. And don't tell me you didn't see me the other night because I know you did. You walked right by me and didn't even so much as give me a glance. So typical. Anyway, you know where I'll be. Hope to see you soon.

Your pal, Vodka

I think I need this for St. Patrick's Day.

Come on, is 9:18 AM really too early for a drink?

So I was recently asked on my blog in a jokingly fashion, by "anonymous," if I were a lush. (I'm thinking its Brad Pitt again, trying to worm his way back into my life. Just...Stop already!) And I replied, with a definite, (jazz) hands down, "No."

But then...I got to thinking. Maybe just maybe, Brad-I mean, "anonymous" is onto something here. So, I thought to settle the matter once and for all, I'd look up the EXACT definition of a lush to see if it really and truly applied to me.

(ahem) lush: 2. an habitual heavy drinker

Hmmmm...Now, generally, I don't drink heavily all the time, but over the past month or so...I have. I have indeed.

So...

I'll just be honest here and say that, yes...Currently, I am a lush. And a proud one to boot. Now...Who'd like to toast me on that?

I skipped the gym this morning
and just laid on my bed
looking up at the orange ceiling
thinking about how much I love rainy nights
and drinking Stella
and how the verdict is still out on if cinnamon gum really is better
than spearmint...

Top Ten

I needed a good laugh today and this Letterman Top Ten popped into my head so I thought I'd share...

Top Ten Bad Things About Having A Summer Time Share With Darth Vader

10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren't his.
9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your root beer right before you open it.
8. He's always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler.
7. Claims he paid you the rent "a long, long time ago."
6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing "Darth Brooks" routine.
5. For once he could use Force to lift his wet towel off the couch.
4. That scary music that plays when he enters a room gets old real fast.
3. You feel like an idiot saying, "No, Darth isn't here. He's on the ice planet Hoth."
2. Not easy cleaning burnt Ewok fur off the barbecue grill.
1. Constantly doing his lame James Earl Jones impression.

I had to be at work yesterday at the crack of dawn, which I usually hate, but in the end I enjoy because it is a much better time to work with the kids because they are all still sleepy themselves. So, after about 10 minutes of being there, in walks Nathan, a 2nd grader, who doesn't ever really talk to me that much. He immediately starts playing with the legos, but in a real bored and half hearted way. I watched him do this for about 15 minutes, and when still no one else had arrived to play with him, I finished up what I was doing and offered to play some UNO with him. He shrugged and unexcitedly said yes.

We ended up playing UNO for 30 minutes which is way too long to be playing UNO at 7 something in the morning, but he kept wanting to play a new game, and no other kids were arriving, so...I thought I'd be nice. That is until we played the last game. Now, real quick lesson here, in case you hadn't known about this because I hadn't, the kids these days play what's called "Stacks," meaning if they are going to put down a 2 and they happen to have three 2's, then they can put them all down. Alright so, I put down a Draw Two card and say UNO, but instead of drawing two, he puts a Draw Two card down on TOP of mine and tells me to draw four.

Now, I should have, as the teacher, nicely said, Now Nathan, that move is not allowed, so take your card back and draw two. And without question, he would have done so. But sometimes, as in this case, I choose not to be in teacher mode and just full on confront them. So this is how our conversation ended up going...

N- Draw four.
K- Draw four??? Are you kidding me???
N- I stacked you, so draw four.
K- You stacked me? You can't stack me! That's not allowed. You can only stack on your own turn.
N- It is allowed with draw two cards...So draw four.
K- (Pause) No.
N- You have to draw four.
K- No I don't! You need to draw two. Or I quit.

Nathan Stares at me for a bit with somewhat of an evil eye and then slowly takes his card back and draws two. I then place my last card down and with a smirk say, "I win." He just looks at me like he wants to punch me in the face and then starts putting the cards away.

Ahhhh, it just tickles me...

I'm having a bit of a debate with myself...
I've been home for about 20 minutes
after a terribly long day at work,
and top that off with it being Monday...
Well, I am ready for a stiff drink...
But...I should probably be good and go to the gym.
Gym or drink. Gym or drink.
I mean, the answer is OBVIOUS, I know,
to begin drinking immediately,
but
maybe I should wait.
I mean it is only 5:18-
I have the whole night ahead of me!
Plenty of time for a drink...
Which...would also leave me plenty of time
to go to the gym
where I don't want to go
because my couch
just
really needs me right now.
And we must always be kind
to our couches.


So I guess tonight
is a night for drinks...

1:01 AM

Right now I am home alone watching the Princess Bride (which by the way, is a spectacular book) and I've realized...that the guy who plays Wesley pretty much killed his entire acting career by doing this movie. Why? Because he's so damn good in it, that every other thing I've seen him do since, has completely sucked in comparison. And I mean sucked.

Just thought I'd throw that little gem of wisdom out on the table...And by wisdom, I mean crap.

It is 10:25.
I am sleepy.
I am slighty hung over.
I have to leave for work in 12 minutes
and yet I am still here
on the couch
in my pajamas
as if I had the whole day
in front of me to lay around
and read through poems
and smoke cigarettes
while day dreaming about pina coladas by the pool
or vodka cranberries on the couch...

listening to Hysteria by my favorite D L