I've decided, that when forced to deal with a tragic, unfortunate or stressful event in life, a letter should accompany the event to help you along. As in a few minutes after the shit hits the fan, and you're standing there dumbfounded and on the verge of tears, a sealed letter should magically appear and read a little something like this:

Dear Katy,

We are sorry to hear about your current tribulation. Here is the breakdown to the best of our knowledge to better assist you during this time: On a pain scale from 0-10 (with o being numb and 10 being unbearable pain that you think will never end) this week is going to begin in the 4's and 5's with a gradual increase into the weekend. By Saturday, a tantrum warning will be in effect for most of the afternoon, and with Sunday looming in the 0's, sleeping in is recommended.

The following week will basically suck balls, with highs being in the 9's, but by Thursday things will calm down with the arrival of family members. Your weekend should go smoothly and stay in the low 2's, with the exception of a few moments in the 10's when no one is looking. Upon the departure of above mentioned family members, highs will be in the 8's and you will be tempted to play sad music. This is strictly forbidden! (Please see page 3 for complete list of songs.)

As you enter into your final week, a meltdown watch will be in effect for the first 48 hours. Shopping and heavy consumption of margaritas is strongly suggested. Wednesday will be back down in the low 3's and is expected to hold steady through Friday, though there is a chance of pure denial late into Thursday evening. The weekend will come to a nice close in the 2's, assuming your A/C is still working, and phase 1 of this tribulation will be complete.

Total time of tribulation: 20 days
Average pain level: 5.5

Should you need to continue on into phase 2, a subsequent letter will arrive to assist you. We wish you the best of luck.

Things to Do Today:

1. Get off the couch.
2. Resist the urge to eat cheesecake for breakfast.
3. Resist the urge to watch Jared Leto's video again.
4. Go to work. (Early)
5. School some kids in UNO.
6. Avoid being accidentally felt up again by a certain preschooler.
7. Leave work. (Early)
8. Head downtown to pick up head shots.
9. Celebrate having new head shots by grabbing a drink at the nearest bar.
10. Realize 4:30 pm is a little too early to be so drunk.
11. Start drunk dialing work.
12. Start getting hungry.
13. Realize if I don't get some cheesecake soon, I might actually die.
14. Go to Eli's and get cheesecake.
15. Refuse to pay, insisting that my being cute is payment enough.
16. Drunk dial work again.
17. Party.

Perfect Timing

(I reveal nothing about LOST in my post below.)

So the long awaited night had finally arrived: The season finale of LOST. I had been aching for it, dreaming about, counting down the hours until "All your questions will finally be answered!" And then it finally came on and we were all glued to our seats and everything was fabulous and then...The worst case scenario decided to introduce its ugly face. With about 6 minutes left of the show, my friend's satellite went out due to the storm...OUT...So as the whole world was watching the ending of LOST, my friends and I were forced to just sit there in total disbelief looking at a black TV screen.

It was the worst. I can't even begin to tell you.

Dear Work,

I can't make it in today. The rain outside is just so beautiful, I don't think I'll be able to part from it.

Sincerely,
The girl in the window

I couldn't decide what to write about today, so here's a list of all the things I was contemplating:

1. A letter to Col. Sanders regarding the little chat he and I need to have about the new KFC bowl.

2. A letter to Jared Leto welcoming him back, on behalf of all the girls in America, from the cave he's been hiding in since My So Called Life.

3. The Pajama/Ice cream party we're having at school on Wednesday and how funny (in a tasteless, inappropriate way) it would be if I wore what I really wore to bed to the party.

4. The new best friend I made last night, (Pepto) and how we've been inseparable for the past 8 hours. (A special thanks to the greasy burger at Moody's for introducing us!)

5. And last, when I ran a quick spell check, it suggested I replace "ice cream" with "isochronal," which first of all, is just plain ridiculous. And second of all, who would ever want to attend a Pajama/Isochronal party? IT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE!!!! Get it together spell check!

Hi, my name is Katy and I'm a cripple...

With the weather being so absolutely lovely on Saturday, I decided to forgo the gym and go for a jog on the lakefront. (Annnnnd, I use the term jog loosely. Actually, it was more like a walk with a little jog. But "A" for effort, okay?!) ANYWAY, I was out "jogging" for about 2 hours and when I got home my muscles were already starting to plague me, which is never a good sign.

Well, by Sunday morning, my legs were so sore that I was walking around my apt like a cripple, (which is so fun, let me tell you!) which brought to mind the week long volleyball camp I attended in 8th grade that also put me in the cripple state after just 1 day. And what helped then was going back the next day and working out those muscles. So I decided that's what I should do and I went back out for another jog/walk. And guess how much that helped? Not one single bit. In fact, it made matters worse! So much so, that when I woke up this morning, I not only felt like a cripple, I felt like a 92 year old, autistic cripple. As in, I have to prep myself before I sit down or get up because it hurts so bad. As in, I can't balance on just one leg to put my jeans on because I might actually fall over.

Needless to say, "jogging" will not be on my agenda today.

4:45 pm Friday

I should be doing a million things right now.
And by a million, I mean a million.
Things that really need to get done.
Things that really shouldn't be put off for another day,
but are going to because... Well...
I got permission from the Procrastination Fairy
to drink beer and watch the game.
And how can I say no to her???
I mean, she brought the beer and everything,
so its not like I really had a choice in the matter.

Things that are very normal for me to say at work, but would probably be really funny if you said them at work...

1. Can you pull your pants down for me? ...Good job.
2. I'm not gonna tell you again, you need to use your inside voice.
3. Stop whining, or you can just go sit in your cubby.
4. No, markers are not for your face.
5. No, we are not showing our underwear to the boys right now...Please keep your dress down.
6. You have to warn me before you sneak up and jump on my back, okay?
7. Don't lie to me. I was standing right there! Now, go back in and flush the toilet!
8. I think you need to be changed...Yes you do, now let's go.
9. If you can't sit together nicely on the couch, then everyone is gonna have to sit on the floor. It's your call.
10. Now can you pull your pants back up for me? Thank you...

Dentist Report

No cavities.

(So I ate some hard candy in celebration.)

So I have to go to the stupid dentist tomorrow and I'm feeling all this nervous angst as if I were a kid again, and I want to yell at my mom, Please don't make me go to the dentist! Please!!! Which will not help matters any seeming that a) I don't live with my mom anymore and b) I'm the one who made the appointment.

Now, why I took the 9:30 in the morning appointment, I still don't know. (They had a 7 am one if you can EVEN imagine THAT.) At least my dentist is across the street from Millennium Park, so I'll have a fabulous view while they torture me- I mean...No, torture was the right word. And of course (of course!) they will tell me I have 50 new cavitites residing in the Grand Canyon-esque grooves of my back teeth.

I hate cavitites. I want to punch cavities in the face.

Then after that ordeal, I have to walk up to Illinois Street to get my headshots printed. Then, if I have a few minutes to spare after that, I will walk up to Borders to buy a new book, since I now have a little thing back in my life called "free time." (Still a new concept to me.) And then if I am hungry I will get a treat from favorite L'Appetito and if I am not hungry, I will get on the train and go home. And then go to a tea party. Okay, to work, but...We are having a tea party at work- well the kids are having a tea party- Oh, can't I just say I'm going to a tea party!!!??? (sigh...Thank you.)

2 Reasons why I shouldn't have seen the movie An American Haunting

1. It was ridiculous. As in, it was stupid. As in, it made me want to throw up in my mouth a little. And I did.

That being said...

2. It did have a few spooky moments, and unfortunately, I am one who, 5 days after watching a scary movie, is still checking behind the shower curtain to make sure that it's "safe." And given that I am home alone for the next 7 days....Probably not the smartest move on my part.

That being said...

At least I got a cupcake after the movie. I mean some sort of consolation prize was in order, right?!

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile, the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over annoucing your place
in the family of things.




Wild Geese- Mary Oliver

Songpull

www.songpull.com

These are all my good friends back home in MO.
If you have a minute, listen to Oran's song.
It's a breath catcher.

It doesn't have to be a big fire. A small
blaze, candlelight perhaps...

There's something about the combination of rain and baseball that I just love. It's exciting, it's relaxing, it's nostalgic, it's just one of my favorite things. I caught the last 1/2 of the Sox game last night and all the fans were their with their umbrellas and slickers (excuse my Grandpa terminology) and everyone looked like they were having so much fun! I just wanted to be there so bad. But I had to settle for watching it from my couch, which had it's good points too, as I got to be in pajama-ware and pass out as soon as the game was over.

Conan was awesome by the way. I got in. I got good seats. And he was just funny funny funny the whole time. It was worth the tormenting 3 hours of standing in line.

And now I am off to help in the preschool again. We'll see if there's anymore delightful blood talk at the lunch table today. Mmmmmmmmm...blood! (that was a joke.)

Conan! Conan! Conan! Conan!

I'm going to see him today and I. Am. Stoked.

Lunch with the 4-year-olds

I had to come in early for work today because 3 teachers are out with strep throat. (I know, lovely, right?) Anyway, I ended up helping out with lunch in the preschool room and had a very interesting conversation with a 4-year-old boy at my table. He began by excitedly talking about blood and how he's learning all about it in a book. (Which by the way is not something 4-year-olds usually talk about to any great depth.) I let him talk for awhile, but after about a minute of extensive blood talk, I noticed that the other kids at the table were starting to look a bit nauseated as they were dunking their corn dogs in ketchup. So I sweetly asked him if we could talk about something else...

"Okay, Katy....But did you know that your heart is what pumps all the blood in your body? All that blood!! Even up to your head!"
"Alex..."

pause

"And did you know that your blood flows through lots of tiny little tubes and-"
"Alex!"

pause

"Their called veins and!-"
"Alex! I'm serious! We're eating right now, so we're not going to talk about blood anymore...Okay?"
"...Okay."

pause

"Butwhenyouscrapeyourkneesometimes...the blood will leak out. Just leak right out....Just leaking...blood...Did you know that...Teacher Katy?"

He just couldn't control himself. It was quiet humorous.

I must confess, that yesterday, I truly mastered the art of being unproductive.
I should have won a medal for the amount of nothingness I accomplished!
Well, maybe nothingness isn't the right word.
I was extremely successful at sleeping, eating, not getting out of my pajamas, and staying in very close proximity of my couch. And let's not forget the marathon I participated in...
Okay, it was a TV marathon (The Deadliest Catch on the Discovery channel), but I was very involved! And it's not like I watched it ALL day long... I did take a break in the middle of it to watch the last 2/3 of The Neverending Story...Atreyu is always so hard to resist. I mean seriously, when that movie came out, what girl did NOT have a picture of him in her trapper keeper? Okay, I didn't, but that's only because I already had Ricky Shroder in there, which incidentally... made all the girls in my 4th grade class very jealous. As they should have been.

And on that note...
Happy Monday, everybody.

And the last night has finally arrived...

www.myspace.com/oracleproductions

Happy Cinco de Mayo Day!

And once again. For the record. I am not Mexican.

In case you haven't caught The Daily Show this week...

Go to:
http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/the_daily_show
/videos/stephen_colbert/index.jhtml

And then watch the "Klassic Kolbert: Journalism School!" video.

Soooo funny...

Me & my sis...When she came to visit me a few weeks ago

I just posted this picture about 10 minutes ago and then realized, this would be a great chance to share one of the many funny moments my sister and I have shared together...

...When I was about 10 (which would make Mara 6) we were visiting our dad for the summer in Missouri and one night before dinner, Mara successfully grabbed the "special" chair at the table-which, incidentally, pissed me off to no end. I decided to play the "I'm the older sister, so move" card, but Mara only replied, "The seat doesn't have your name on it." I took a mental note to seek revenge at a later date and sat in one of the regular seats.

Later on, as my step mom was getting dessert ready, Mara got up to use the bathroom and I immediately stole her seat. When she came back a minute later, I just smiled at her little angry face and said, "Well, the seat doesn't have your name on it..."

Well, the next night at dinner, she made sure she got to the special seat first. She was gloating and all smiles when I arrived to the table, but to her surprise, I walked right up to her and said, "I think you're in my seat." To which she replied with a smirk, "It doesn't have your name on it." To which I replied, "Actually...You might want to take a look." And then, in what seemed like slow motion, she stood from her seat...Looked down...And lo and behold there was a little piece of paper, nicely camouflaged on the seat cushion, that said "Katy Boza."

It was priceless...And even funnier is that she still tries to make me feel bad about it to this day! Like I'm ever going to apologize for such brilliance...

Love you, Mara.

I had almost forgotten about this picture...